Sunday, April 26, 2009

Me & Mountains

When I think about my journey between where I am and where I want to be, I see some mountains.

I see lots of other things (abilities, dreams, goals, hopes, effort)...

but I also see some mountains.

I shouldn't be surprised since I have climbed some hefty ones to get from 'where I was' to 'where I am'...

but I'm often so caught up in the next thing I forget to remember...

to remember.

Yesterday, as I was driving to church, I heard this song on the radio. It brought tears to my eyes. It's a song about a woman, displace by Hurricane Katrina, who despite losing all, she has only has faith, trust and thanksgiving to give the Lord. It's sung by Rev. Timothy Wright, African American Preacher and Gospel singer, who passed away last week. I heard it twice on the Gospel Radio station, once on the way to church...and again on the way home. Both times stirring emotions in me.

On my best days, I am only selfish.

My thoughts, prayers, and plans more often then not revolve around me.

I get tired of me.

That's one mountain I am climbing.... how to not have my life revolve around me when I live such an independent life.

A few other mountains in my life: my family, body image, marital status, security with my personality/leadership gifts/issues, navigating my complex tri-cultural background, finding my place in the church world (and what I think about the church world?!), oh, and can somebody say 'transitions'!

There's a lot of road between my 'here' and 'there'...

For right now, I am just working on trusting God for today. To do so I try and remember what I have seen and heard and trust in God's faithfulness. Those little moments when peace beat fear.

When I do, I remember this moment...this mountain:
I was solo-kayaking on the Tonkin Sea off HaLong Bay, Vietnam. It was the most serene, beautiful time of enjoying the ocean (not one thought of a shark swallowing me whole popped in my mind, really!)

Since all my photos were on my hard drive (of my stolen computer) just looking at this photo is a small miracle for me. It was recovered from my erased camera card using an online program that recovers deleted pictures.

I just know that in that moment, on that day... I was living in the present.

I think they call it 'the now'.

While these are some very random and general thoughts, I am filled with peace knowing that the world and God is so much bigger than I am... and bigger than any of my mountains!

*(Teri-Sunday to Sunday, right?! :) I started this one last night, but finished today... like I said 'fan of consistency :) What a great week of blogging!!


Teri said...

Layla - what a sermon you just shared! And what confession. I can relate to so many of your mountains - really, we all can probably. It's good to realize what sinners we are, huh? (Not trying to sound trite here, but probably am.)
I have to go listen to the song. Kevin sent me a link to a video with the song "My Redeemer Lives" and unlike your selection, I have no idea who sings it but I have had it in my mind all day - and you can't beat that message.
What an amazing photo - I can only barely TRY to imagine you solo kayaking there. Joy.
Fun to see your post along with mine. Thanks for the consistency. I'm a fan of it, too.

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