This time around.

When I woke up today, I'll admit, I wasn't full of faith. 
Have you ever felt that way, knowing some deadline had come that you just weren't ready for? 


Today was the day of the Blossom Trail 10k. I'd signed up for it in January with the hopes of training all of February. I did run, but I didn't train well. Once I'd laced up my running shoes and hit the trails, I realized that taking a 4 month hiatus from running wasn't a good idea. I'd lost a lot of my momentum and whatever speed I had.


Nevertheless, I didn't give up. I just readjusted my expectations and put one foot in front of the other. 


A year ago, 6.2 miles seemed less daunting. I'd been running consistently for months, with a few 4, 5, and 6 mile runs under my belt. 


This time around, I merely held on to the memories, that at one point in time I had run those distances...shoot I had run 10 miles in the rain without stopping. I knew I had it in me.


BUT. (There's always a but, right?)


But, this time around, I hadn't run more than 3 miles without stopping. And here I was, going to run 6.2 miles, among other runners, in front of a crowd. Geesh. Talk about psyching myself out, right? 

I knew that my battle was mental more than physical.  

I can hold such high expectations of myself that, really, I can feel deflated so easily. I also don't like pain, so it's easier to stop whatever I'm doing that causes pain than to push through it. 


As we pulled up to the race, I let go of any expectations for speed or time and just committed to run the whole thing without stopping or walking. 


And that I did. 


I ran all 6.2 miles and it felt great. 

There were a few things, this time around, that helped me along the way.

First, I drove the course yesterday. This was really helpful! I made mental notes of where the third (white blossom farm), halfway (sharp turn right), and 6 mile markers (water tower and beautiful stone church) were. 

It also helps when you are running in great company! 

The Dixon's, a racing family!

My running buddy, Noemi

I also made a lyPod playlist. In attempting to make this playlist, I also learned most the music I actually own is too slow to run to. Most, but not all. Having good music was really helpful!


At one point in the race I found myself trotting a little faster, pushing through a long bend, as I sang the lyrics to "The Cave" by Mumford & Sons. 

But I will hold on hope.... And I'll find strength in pain.

There's also something very serene about running through all the cherry and almond blossoms fields that just invites your mind to wander.


I found myself thinking about my my brother, as I heard the song "Sigh No More." 

Love, it will not betray you, dismay or enslave you, it will set you free. Be more like the man you were made to be.

I know, serious Mumford kick right now. 


I found myself thinking about love as I listened to Tyrone Well's "Wondering Where You Are." 

Will you like to watch the sunrise? Will you have blue or brown eyes? What are the dreams you long to share? I hope you like Stevie Wonder. Are you afraid of thunder? I close my eyes and say a prayer you're out there somewhere. 

This on the heels of closing the door to a fellow I'd been getting to know this past month.


As I ran, I found myself just thinking about how lovely creation is, as the sunlight poured through the beautiful blossoms. 

I'm not one to 'live in my head' as my roommate describes her introverted self. (I mean what kind of person can run without an ipod for an hour?!) But, with my music in the background, I did enjoy the space for my mind to mull over this season of my life.


It has been one full of life and risks and joys and pain.  


And, this time around, that's right where I want to be.